For those of you who love me [Della], who knew us in our previous marriage, or who are concerned that I am being, as one friend put it, “a dog returning to its vomit” (Proverbs 26:11), this page is my story since December 2022^.
The following is based on a letter I wrote in reply to a friend who had plucked up the courage to share her concerns with me.
^ click here to read an article about our history
Tuesday, 13th February 2024
My dear friend,
Thank you so much for your love for me and for having the boldness to speak out of that love.
I admit, I was totally surprised to receive a phone call from Gary on the morning of 4th December 2022, telling me that his wife (whom he divorced me in 2011 to marry) had died. I was equally intrigued that he seemed to want to chat, and we chatted like old friends for over half an hour.
My Dad, too, had the same response as you – as soon as I got off the phone from Gary, the first thing out of Dad’s mouth was: “That man’s had his chance!” (and with dementia, he’s repeated it over and over, any time I have mentioned Gary’s name).
In our subsequent conversations (every Friday afternoon for the next four months), I was blown away by how much Gary loves God, loves His Word, and worships Him.
He first asked if I’d consider marrying him again in April [2023]. I said, “I’ve never not wanted to be married to you, Gary, BUT I am not available right now because I need to care for my Dad.”
He then started calling me every day so we could pray together. Every phone-call always closes with a short time of worship, glorifying God, sometimes with singing, often over His Word. We were rebuilding our relationship and together with the LORD, but we could not be more than ‘just friends’ because I cannot be in two places at once and my priority was my father.
However, in August 2023, at the Christian Singles Retreat on the Gold Coast, the LORD showed me, extremely clearly, that it was His will that I should be with my husband again!
The message at the retreat was about “having fear = not trusting God” – that if we are afraid we are not trusting in Him.
“But, LORD, what about my Dad?” I whined to my heavenly Father, fearful about what would happen to him. “What about our farm? What will I tell my sisters? [knowing that my marriage would put huge pressure on them to care for our Dad – they live 1,200km / 800 miles away!] “I’ll ruin my lovely Dad’s life if I’m not there?” was my biggest fear.
I also grieved over my dreams about doing travelling ministry again [my plans were, when Dad no longer needed me, that I’d get a campervan and travel Australia (and the world?) doing Christian Singles Retreats and promoting HIT. All those dreams would continue to be on hold (as they have been since 2020)]. “What about the travelling ministry calling You gave me?” suddenly came to mind as well.
“And, why NOW, Lord? My Dad and I have a very happy, peaceful, restful, good life on his lovely farm doing good work – why would I ruin all that?!” I cried to the LORD, having just had a pleasant morning tea, sitting on our north verandah, looking at the gorgeous view of the Nandewar Range. “Why NOW – when my Dad needs me?”
(Mt Kaputar National Park) from my Dad’s farm
But the LORD kept prompting my heart, “Trust Me! TRUST Me… Trust ME.”
As I drove home from the retreat, in tears trying to release my fears because I longed to trust Him with all my heart, I felt as if the LORD continued to insist, “Trust Me, Della! Trust Me with your Dad! Trust Me with his farm. Trust Me with your husband. Trust Me with your sisters. Trust Me with your travelling ministry aspirations. Trust Me, Della – I have a plan. Trust Me!“
Do you know how many devotions and sermons and verses I’ve had since then, all reminding me to “Trust God”!?
Last weekend [2nd February 2024], Dad and I went to Gary’s farm near Tenterfield for a night, and my two men enjoyed fellowship. On the following Monday, when our vicar came to see me because he’d heard we were getting married, I was delighted that my Dad reassured him:
“Men like Gary don’t change,
– Syd Brown (5/2/2024)
but it appears that Gary has!
Dad continued, “He prayed for us before we left his farm, and it was great!” The relief of my friend’s heart was evident on his face.
This decision to re-marry to Gary has not been made lightly or flippantly, nor out of any desperation to be married. I was content* on Dad’s farm – we have a lovely life here.
(*NB “content” not a word I could say I’ve ever felt before).
I believe, with all my heart, that this is God’s will. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand the timing. I definitely don’t understand why the LORD would want me to ruin the lovely, peaceful life with my Dad. But I’m trusting Him. For me, there is no shadow of a doubt** that being married to Gary is God’s will for now, and I’m joyfully counting down the days [until 15th March 2024, our wedding again]. I see this reconnection as an amazing miracle – one I’d stopped praying for once he divorced me 12 years ago. It was not even on my radar – not something I would have thought could happen.
**To read our love story from 30 years ago, see my unpublished book “Peace Beyond Understanding” (2003)
Gary is passionate about serving the LORD. He says he is not sure he was even saved before, but he longs to live a life of holiness and service to Him now.
I’m hearing you! I am definitely not wanting to be unequally yoked, for sure. I know our marriage won’t be easy because we are both very strong people now who are used to serving the LORD independently, so your prayers are highly valued. This is a spiritual battle.
Praying God’s will be done, in all our hearts.
Well, it’s taken me one-and-a-half hours to write all that – I could have called you and shared all this with you. [If you would like to call me, please contact me.]
Please continue to pray
Many of my friends who knew the old Gary are feeling the same way. Some are like you, have had the boldness to share their concerns with me. For that I am grateful! Loving friends like you delight my heart.
Please also pray for my Dad. If we cannot find someone to come and live on our farm to keep an eye on him, then he will need to move down to my sister’s lovely granny flat in VIC – not a happy prospect for him though my sister is looking forward to it.
Thank you for loving me so much to write to me.
God’s will be done, to His glory and for His Kingdom. In Jesus’ Name!
Your sister in Messiah,
PS – If you still do not have peace about our marriage, please call me. I’d love to chat with you.
=== anything below the point has nothing to do with Kedesh ministries nor Della ====
Kedesh 